Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
