i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
