It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
