Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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