you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
