I'm eating all of the evidence.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
