I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work