I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?