You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd