Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.

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  (509): We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house. http://tfl.nu/rb9c
  Replies (3) Good night (2465) Bad night (858)
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  (626): View more from California

  There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.

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  (626): There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you. http://tfl.nu/ru1c
  Replies (4) Good night (3320) Bad night (866)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

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  (206): I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table http://tfl.nu/jkfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2524) Bad night (1206)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Now back to adults eating hotdogs.

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  (402): Now back to adults eating hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/i07d
  Replies (3) Good night (760) Bad night (553)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.

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  (720): I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice. http://tfl.nu/c8dh
  Replies (9) Good night (1252) Bad night (496)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke

  (647): View more from Ontario

  She kept going

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  (647): She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke (647): She kept going http://tfl.nu/fte0
  Replies (2) Good night (1287) Bad night (481)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.

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  (330): Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce. http://tfl.nu/fes5
  Replies (5) Good night (562) Bad night (1164)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...

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  (503): Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat... http://tfl.nu/b2lc
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (1219)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.

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  (434): Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority. http://tfl.nu/mqpz
  Replies (2) Good night (586) Bad night (451)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight

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  (780): My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight http://tfl.nu/tvtb
  Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (990)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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  (503): He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment. http://tfl.nu/auln
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (330)
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  (415): View more from California

  Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator

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  (415): Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator http://tfl.nu/2d96
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (292)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.

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  (908): He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania. http://tfl.nu/rn92
  Replies (2) Good night (580) Bad night (288)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.

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  (520): I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me. http://tfl.nu/9wk5
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (183)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper

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  (417): I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper http://tfl.nu/pr2l
  Replies (1) Good night (134) Bad night (387)

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