At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.