After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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