I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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