I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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