once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
