i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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