you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
