I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So here I am, sexting at work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
