My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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