So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
