LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
