I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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