i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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