She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
