I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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