I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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