don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
