Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
