I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
