I need help removing her.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
