i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
