this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
