Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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