Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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