cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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