ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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