if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
