3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
