So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
