i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
