I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
