Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
