She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
