She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
