all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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