so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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