so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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