I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
