You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
