so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
