Swine flu. Run for my life!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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