I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
