You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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