The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
