Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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