I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
