I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize