you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
