Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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