You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Boobs are out for the taking
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
