Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
