every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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