this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
