I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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