i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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