i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize