ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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