If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
