Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
