just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
