I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
