So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
