my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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