PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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