The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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