you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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