I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i now understand why vodka
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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