11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Soap is not a condiment
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Enjoy the penises
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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