i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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