I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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