Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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