threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
