I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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