she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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