TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
