you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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