Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
