Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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