Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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