Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
