i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
