The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
