I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
